The Burden
The recent near death experiences of my two friends has counseled me to live in the Present. After all where else is there to live? In dreams? In memories? And yet for many people, anywhere else but the Present is preferable. I understand escape. Water is a conduit for my daydreams and I allow myself to enjoy them when immersed in a bath, shower, or even when washing up. Pulling out the plug ensures my immediate return to the Present. After nearly being run over by a bus, I make sure I daydream in a safe space. My burden is the Past. In the guise of Memory it stalks me like Poverty in the Eastern European folktale, plaguing me until I am desperate to be rid of its presence. In the folktale Poverty is eventually outwitted and leaves his host to afflict another poor soul, while the previously cursed man can now live the rest of his life free of want. But I find that my battle to repel the incursions of Memory into my Present, is like that of Heracles and the Hydra; when he severs one head two more take its place. But like the man beset by Poverty, Heracles too manages to defeat the Hydra. So what weapons does an 'anxious worrier' choose to prevent being under siege from Memory? Rationality, Compassion and a Story. But I have no illusions about this battle. On occasions Sisyphus comes to mind, but I prefer to think of the following Zen story to assist me in letting go of the Past and living in the Present.
Carrying a Burden
There were once two monks, who upon reaching a river met a young woman who wanted to cross. However she was fearful that the current was too strong and would wash her away. The older monk then asked her to climb upon his back and he helped her across the river. When they reached the other side, the woman climbed off the back of the monk, thanked him and continued her journey. For some time after that, no conversation passed between the two monks, until finally the younger monk stopped the older one and spoke angrily to him.
'You know it is against our spiritual order to have physical contact with women, but you picked up that woman and carried her across the river!'
'Yes I did,' said the older monk, 'but I set her down on the river bank, whereas you are still carrying her.'
Photo by Roman W. Schatz

