DESIRE and SATISFACTION or If I have that I'll never want anything else!

Stories are my mentors. I trust that they come to me with the intention of illuminating my path. Yesterday the story of The Fisherman's Wife sprung to mind. It is a tale that I have shared with many children over the years, revelling in its repetitive phrase; 'If I have that I'll never want anything else.' The listener soon catches on that this woman will never be satisfied, and before long they are interacting with the story and repeating this anticipated phrase.  The way I have told it to children explores the notion of greed never being satisfied, although resolved with a poetically just ending. Older children and adults may see the tale as a moral about the consequences of capitalism.  But yesterday I realised that I was the fisherman's wife and that this is a tale about Desire and Satisfaction. The desires that can never be permanently satisfied in my life are hardly outrageous, extravagant or unreasonable, just  those of any parent; to have children who are well and healthy. Of course children sicken and most will heal, in a society where clean water, good food and health services are a given. However it  is not unusual to have Faustian thoughts if your child's illness is chronic, painful or terminal; a desperate parent will go to any lengths to see their child well, even selling their soul to the devil. But are we ever satisfied with our children's health and well-being? 

We are relieved our child is alive, but now we want them to breathe freely, now they are breathing freely we want them to be able to eat and drink, now they have enough food to nourish them we want them to be without pain and fever, now the source of pain and fever is treated we want them to grow, now they are growing we want them to move independently, now they are moving independently we want them to develop strength, flexibility and co-ordination, and we want them to be safe and we want them to be able to activate all their senses and we want them to be able to think and learn and feel and develop and ... not suffer. Always we want more. When one desire is fulfilled another arises.
If I am ever asked about aspirations for my children I answer, 'I just want them to be happy and healthy.' But I realise that is a lot to ask and I need to reassess the fulfiment of my desires. This is a little like children who are given a wish and they wish for 100 more wishes. While I try to see all experiences as an opportunity to learn, I struggle with applying this notion to my children's experiences. Learning compassion and empathy through suffering is all very well for me, but I wish they could learn it in a less painful way. I have to trust their resilience and my own belief that its not so much what happens to us but our response to it, that determines how we manage our lives. On the other hand,

'If I have well and healthy kids, I'll never want anything else ... except disarmament, an end to hunger and poverty, world peace, clean drinking water, indigenous land rights, protection of the forests and seas and ...

The Fisherman and his Wife

There was once a fisherman and his wife who lived together in a little hut by the sea. Every morning the fisherman would walk down the path to the seashore, drag his boat off the sand dunes and into the water. Over the waves he would row and then drop anchor and fish to his heart's content. 

One day he felt a mighty tug on his line and he reeled in a golden fish.

'Please put me back in the sea,' said the fish, ' and I will grant you a wish.' 

The astounded fisherman carefully removed the hook from the fishes mouth and allowed it to drop back into the water. But the fish emerged and spoke again.

'Whenever you want a wish, come here and sing this song and I will answer your call.' 

And the fish taught the fisherman the song.

That afternoon when he returned home, the fisherman told his wife about his encounter with the fish. Straight away she replied that he must go out in the morning and wish for them to live in a cottage, for she was tired of their little wooden hut.

'If I have that I'll never want anything else!' she said. 'I will be happy.'

So the next morning the fisherman went out and sung his song and sure enough the fish appeared. 

'What do you wish for?' it asked.

'This wish is not for me but for my wife,' he replied, 'she wants to live in a cottage with a white picket fence.'

'Granted,' the fish said, and swum away beneath the waves.

When the fisherman returned home there stood his wife in the doorway of a little cottage surrounded by a picket fence. And she was happy... for a few weeks. One day she told her husband that what she really wanted to live in was a big house with two chimneys.

'If I have that I'll never want anything else!' she said.  'I will be happy.So the next morning the fisherman went out and sung his song and sure enough the fish appeared. 

'What do you wish for?' it asked.

'This wish is not for me but for my wife,' he replied, 'she wants to live in a big house with two chimneys.'

'Granted,' the fish said, and swum away beneath the waves.

When the fisherman returned home there stood his wife in the doorway of a big house, with two chimneys. And she was happy... for a few weeks. One day she told her husband that what she really wanted to live in was a stone castle with turrets all around and a drawbridge.

'If I have that I'll never want anything else!' she said.  'I will be happy.'

So the next morning the fisherman went out and sung his song and sure enough the fish appeared. 

'What do you wish for?' it asked.

'This wish is not for me but for my wife,' he replied, 'she wants to live in a stone castle with turrets all around and a drawbridge.'

'Granted,' the fish said, and swum away beneath the waves.

When the fisherman returned home there stood his wife on a drawbridge that led to a stone castle with turrets all around. And she was happy... for a few weeks. One day she told her husband that what she really wanted to live in was a golden palace with a marble staircase and a crystal chandelier.

'If I have that I'll never want anything else!' she said.  'I will be happy.'

So the next morning the fisherman went out and sung his song and sure enough the fish appeared. 

'What do you wish for?' it asked.

'This wish is not for me but for my wife,' he replied, 'she wants to live in a golden palace with a marble staircase and a crystal chandelier.'

'Granted,' the fish said, and swum away beneath the waves.

When the fisherman returned home there stood his wife on a marble staircase standing underneath a crystal chandelier in a golden palace.

And she was happy... for a few weeks. One day she told her husband that what she really wanted to live in the realm of the gods.

'If I have that I'll never want anything else!' she said.  'I will be happy.'

So the next morning the fisherman went out and sung his song and sure enough the fish appeared. 

'What do you wish for?' it asked.

'This wish is not for me but for my wife,' he replied, 'she wants to in the realm of the gods.'

'Your wife will never be satisfied no matter how many of her wishes will be fulfilled, so I am granting you one wish and then I will say farewell.'

The fisherman thought for a while and answered.

'I wish for happiness.'

'Then look to your heart,' said the fish, and swum away one last time beneath the waves.

When the fisherman returned home there was no palace, no castle, no big house and no white cottage in his sight. Only the figure of his wife outside their little wooden hut. And was she happy? I leave that for you to decide.

Source: Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, "Von den Fischer und siiner Fru," Kinder- und Hausmärchen, 1st ed. (Berlin: Realschulbuchhandlung, 1812), v. 1, no. 19.

Photo 'More' by Roman W. Schatz

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